The Best Smart Ass Answers - Printable Version
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The Best Smart Ass Answers - Deutschmark - 13.09.2012
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA SMART ASS ANSWER
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly...
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
Deutschmark :mrgreen:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Nadia - 13.09.2012
'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' = Oh my god ! ( not the abriviated version OMG ) LOL ! :lol:
This joke feels like a direct quote from Al Bundy, in "Married With Children". :!:
( Mar.WithChildr. was a US sitcom of 1990's that lasted 11 years; featuring an shoe-salesman's family with absolutely no food on the table ).
Al smart ass answer:
Peggy: Did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet, so far
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQL7kPbeCcg
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Jambo - 13.09.2012
:lol: :mrgreen: Very nice! :
)
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Nadia - 13.09.2012
Best speech about dying economy, ( lay-off's ):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-5q5pZuSvY
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Deutschmark - 13.09.2012
LOL :lol:
Deutschmark
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Lonestar - 13.09.2012
'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.' Great! 8)
But best smart ass answer of the year is "SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR "! :lol:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Deutschmark - 13.09.2012
Well here is a true life one that happed to me this night;
I was sitting at dinner this night and there where some people on the TV singing and dancing so I did not want to say anything to my lovely wife as she was watching the program from the begging and I did not want to interrupt so when the commercial came on I said to her, so what are we looking at on TV, she looked at me and said, a commercial,
hock: I just about rolled off my chair LOL and am still LOL over it...Deutschmark :lol:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Lonestar - 14.09.2012
Dry humor! Love it! :lol:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Nadia - 15.09.2012
Going to the dentist can be fun ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO2ZQ729 ... re=related
hock:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Deutschmark - 15.09.2012
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Deutschmark
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - LeBigTed - 15.09.2012
:mrgreen: :lol: :mrgreen: \,,/ (°_°) \,,/
I likle this topic ;o)
Ted
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Nadia - 17.09.2012
Al was notourious for smart-ass answers insulting all obese women comming into his store:
A large group of large women puts him on trial just for that : "Sir... do you understand the gravity of the situation here ?"
Al mart ass answer: "I understand you are asking a lot out of gravity already !"
Al chants: "...One, Two, Three, Four ! You are going through the floor !"
Fat woman says: "... how dare you tell me this to my face !"
Al: " I would tell you to your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas !"
Fat woman leaving: " That's it ! I'm taking my business elsewhere !"
Al: " Why dont you try the moon, where gravity is only 1/6th that of the earth!"
Smart ass chubby girl sits next to her fat mother: " You are a shoe-salesman ! You will be a shoe-salesman for the rest of your life ! You have no future!"
Al: "Missy, look right next to you, THIS IS your future!"
Rambunctious boy playing in the background , finally says while his quite big mother decides to leave: "I want a balloon !"
Al says: " ...You already got one !"
:oops:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Deutschmark - 17.09.2012
Yes that TV show was funny :lol: , I seen it when I lived back in USA.
Deutschmark
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Nadia - 17.09.2012
The most memorable episode, for me, was Santa parachuting into his patio
while Al and his family are watching that direct on TV... :!:
Re: The Best Smart Ass Answers - Fireskull - 18.09.2012
:lol:
I needed a good laugh.
Fireskull