[ALOTEF]

You sound like the depressive computer in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)

Adams also has a take on flying: "The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss"

http://www.extremelysmart.com/humor/howtofly.php

To cheer you up, you guys need it !

lol.
You just made my day!
I loved the books. Movie was OK.