14.03.2011, 03:34
*cough, cough*
Morning Gents, Bonjour Messieurs, Buenas dias, Bongiorno, Moin moin,
it's getting a bit dusty in here.. :-?
May I have a nice Coffee? Ah, Thank you!
Alright then, we're among us...
"Speed Trap"
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: This car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
The driver's license was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!
8)
And another one....
"Up Close Mystery"
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents.
The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers,
"The wife did it."
:twisted:
And last but not least..
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said:
- I forgot my teeth.
The man said:
- No problem.
With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
- Try these - he said.
The speaker tried them.
- Too loose - he said.
The man then said:
- I have another pair...try these.
The speaker tried them and responded:
- Too tight.
The man was not taken back at all. He then said:
- I have one more pair of false teeth...try them.
The speaker said:
- They fit perfectly.
With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
- I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist.
The man replied:
- I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker.
hock:
Have a nice day everybody!
And thank you for this delicious Coffee!
Jambo :wink:
Morning Gents, Bonjour Messieurs, Buenas dias, Bongiorno, Moin moin,
it's getting a bit dusty in here.. :-?
May I have a nice Coffee? Ah, Thank you!
Alright then, we're among us...
"Speed Trap"
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: This car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
The driver's license was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!
8)
And another one....
"Up Close Mystery"
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents.
The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers,
"The wife did it."
:twisted:
And last but not least..
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said:
- I forgot my teeth.
The man said:
- No problem.
With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
- Try these - he said.
The speaker tried them.
- Too loose - he said.
The man then said:
- I have another pair...try these.
The speaker tried them and responded:
- Too tight.
The man was not taken back at all. He then said:
- I have one more pair of false teeth...try them.
The speaker said:
- They fit perfectly.
With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
- I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist.
The man replied:
- I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker.
hock: Have a nice day everybody!
And thank you for this delicious Coffee!
Jambo :wink: